Nikki In a Nutshell

Forget me.

… me not being given what I needed/wanted to operate my computer. It was mine & looking around in hindsight no one else had theirs & weren’t tripping off of it rather going on with things/their lives. Let me first say that you should never allow someone else power over you causing you to do things you would never choose to do otherwise. Showing severe immaturity anger & unreasonableness in protest I went about the business of destroying all that I came in contact with. I saw many familiar faces & and lots of new ones. I was behaving in an an abusive unhealthy & dangerous manner everywhere that I found myself. Others saw it for what it was & didn’t have/want anything to do with it/me. Even one the least favorite people in my real life dropped a bag of opened chips in my lap when I decided to finally get somewhere & sit down. I wouldn’t eat them because they were coming from her. What on earth was I trying to prove & to who??? I’d missed out on so much & this was only a mere dream … & would have continued to miss out had the dream continued. I wasn’t happy in the dream either, inside or out & it was showing big time. I’ve come to the conclusion that in real life I’ve missed out on so much because I hadn’t handled disappointment properly just as I had in this dream. Ain’t no point in continuing/moving forward in that fashion/manner. We are all going through something’s whether or not we know it but their is certainly no room for this kind of behavior, from me, outside of this dream. I don’t even wanna ‘dream’ nothing like it no more … not unless I got some lessons to learn. I must/want to show up for everyone involved in the best possible ways without any inklings of the nonsense I just woke up from.

… is getting restless …

Some people are deep. Some people are broad. I’m deep. You won’t find ME everywhere, all over the place, by ANY stretch of the imagination.

Once again, in the middle of the night, during my not so sound sleep, I caused my open suitcase to slide off my bed & onto the floor. It wasn’t as bad of a clean as it was the last time it happened. WHY I am keeping the case on the edge is beyond me. I haven’t been anywhere nor am I going anywhere. Truly, it is my emergency bag & should be packed properly & ready to roll &/but it’s not. Which means I’m not prepared to go in an emergency. Sooooo, … once again, it’s on!

… because it ain’t my story to tell. Go figure …

When days are gone … they are gone. The (unknown) future isn’t frightening anymore … instead it has become more & more exciting!

… is hurting badly. I don’t ever remember it hurting this way. It feels as if my eyes are being pushed out of my head as if my brain has run out of space in my skull. I’ve been under a great deal of stress. Unusual stress. NOW, THIS IS THE FOLLOWING MORNING. For months & had the strongest need to speak with someone about some things then March 2023 laid it on me hard & heavy. I was able to talk to someone (trusted friend) yesterday & afterward my head began to hurt & it hurt for several hours. I didn’t want to go to sleep in this kinda shape but is was time & I did. It is now the next morning, the sun isn’t even up yet & the pain in my head has subsided. There are a few things I’d like to get done today around my home so I’ll be up & at it in a little bit. Enjoy the days guys ‘n’ gals! May it be grand!