Nikki In a Nutshell

… around fifty (50) years ago, I walked in on my sister and our cousin having sex. I was devastated. Neither of them has ever said a thing about it, to me, from that day to this one. Nor have I said anything to either of them. I was a young teenager at the time and still a virgin myself. I am older than both of them. Over the years I’ve learned/continued to experience many disturbing things regarding my sister. She hears of lines and runs toward them, with every intention to cross them. We’ve never been friends. Neither have me and my cousin after that. For at least fifty (50) years I’ve been weighed down low by this. It feels like a hundred years. Fifty of hers … and fifty of his. They both were well aware that I walked in that room. They both made eye contact with me. She’s taken a lot from me/out of me over the decades. But today, I’m getting THIS … off my chest.

… a person who will turn and walk away from you in the midst of telling you something potentially devastating, with no clear intention of hearing you out, should in no way be allowed in your face about anything else ever again.

… is my htc rhyme?????????????????????

… no one would take me home. Everyone who was someone refused. They were all fine with leaving me on my own to deal with the matter. It frustrated me to the point of taking matters into my own hands. It all started when I didn’t handle a rejection properly while a guest in someone’s home, ending in a train station face to face with Cheryl. She too refusing. She brought me to this place. Both in real life and in the dream. I’m sick and exhausted of the seemingly lasting harm she alone has had on/over my real life. I can’t help but wonder this time if this dream is directly relating to my real life. If I found myself face to face with her … am I indeed taking matters into my own hands regarding the real life situation that’s pretty much alive and kicking with her? Might I be with anyone else??? I will pray about this and endeavor to focus on feeding my mind with whatever things are serious concern. Amen.

In the beginning, you dumped your son onto me, no doubt making your load lighter, well aware that you hadn’t prepared him but indeed failed him. That was so unkind to both him and to me (and you know exactly why). Only to contact me when he was laid up in hospital, suffering dire consequences of yet another one of his own poor decisions (it was NOT a misunderstanding) , WITH another woman at his bedside, while still married to me, that you knew about/had known about.

BOTH your daughters were caught red handed at my children’s father/my newly ex husbands home, (for WHAT earthly reason), due to the wreckage they left behind.

With no concern for my well being for well over thirty (30) years, you step in like you never left, only to reveal you’ve had a relationship with my emotionally abusive mother for quite some time, and offering ill suited advice.

You’ve not yet addressed the demonic phone call your eldest son got around to making to me, you know the one he’s made to several others before me.

All these things taking place over many years under your watch. Now you think you can waltz right back into my life with certain expectations/with no acknowledgement that all these things have taken place. Under what grounds??? Who do you think I am? Who do you think you are???????

Your entire family has shown no regard for me, for a very long time … and there are more instances that I haven’t mentioned here. I didn’t deserve any of it but apparently each of you are convinced that I did and spared none of it. I will not bear y’alls loads any longer. EACH OF YOU would be much better off leaving me alone at this point. Trust me.

… is what I’ll do in instances like these, while continuing to grow/move forward.

… I’ve grown! I’m not the same.