Nikki In a Nutshell

… a very little girl, I’d witness my great grandmother sitting down with my daddy talking to him and he would seem uninterested. He’d either be eating the physical food that she’d prepared without looking up or staring into oblivion waiting to be dismissed. All while caring for me full time. I felt like what my great grandmother looked like to me at that time/several decades later and I don’t like it at all. Our concerns appear to be the same but times are very very different. Get it together young person … I need my energy more than you do.

… I shopped, paid for and left my groceries at the store. I know where I went wrong!

I don’t ever recall longing for my Daddy/wondering where he was. Until the day he died he was part of my life. With fairly decent participation. My mother has been completely unavailable in the most vital ways/during the most critical times/for a significant portion. of. my. life. I’ve since learned she didn’t have it to give … and she don’t have it to this day. What she has done was cause a lifetime of damage for me. I no longer wonder where she is. I’m convinced she isn’t anywhere, still. I feel for her simply because something went wrong somewhere for her that she’s not been able to get hold of it/overcome it.

… someone confided in me. This is all I will ever say about it.

… you looking for someone you ‘thought’ you knew … but she been gone. Do watch your step(s).

I had to take care of some business today, over the phone, that I was under the impression I’d satisfied a week ago. The woman that was helping me was kind and caring. She wished me a belated birthday when she learned the date had recently passed and at the end encouraged me to take care of myself. I told her that I appreciated her.