Nikki In a Nutshell

… you know you AIN’T … (not my lover) … you know you CAIN’T … (not my lover) …

Was going through some old papers and notebooks today with the purpose of parting with most off it filing & even packing bits. I’ve been dreading getting with this stuff for years. Yes years. I believe that I must go through every single piece of paper front & back. So I got started. I’d come across a notebook full of my personal thoughts from 2018. It was a blast from the past! I enjoy reading my entries after much time has gone by. I always always always see growth. I too see where I felt ‘stuck’ where I ask Jehovah for help & where I am vulnerable. I’m honest & much more open when I write & I absolutely love writing.

I’ve been wrestling with this for some time now. Been layin’ LOW. Tryin’ to keep ‘the’ peace but catchin’ ‘the’ noise & confusion still. Denyin’ myself of the life that I am to make way for the rest of the nonsense. NO MORE. Now you gonna get it.

My brand new Mazda 626. 5 speed manual transmisson. Black with tan leather seats. Golden dark brown tinted windows … ’97 Dodge Caravan with built in car seats for two new (back to back) little ones! I didn’t know what I had potential included. What I know for sure now is priceless! Ready, get be and stay. There’ll always be moves to be made.

I’d planned to be in Maine by 2007. I’m not sure when I set my mind on leaving but I had a delay in plans as early as 1994. It’s been 27 years, at least, and I’m still here poised to make any of several moves. I’ve done plenty over the 27 years, wasted a lot of time & money. I’ve too learned many crucial life lessons & discovered much about myself that I definitely needed to know. Planet Earth has gotten much bigger in the meantime & in between time! I have so many more options & so much more to learn … along the way, this time around!

I can make you famous. I don’t want to be famous. I’ve set my sights on you. I don’t want your attention. I think the world of you. That has nothing to do with me. You are mean. You’ve discovered you cannot control me. Mind your business from afar.

… back at the ranch …

Several months ago after having come to my own conclusion regarding several quite uncomfortable matters I for the first & only time in my life ACTUALL SAW RED. Immediately. It wasn’t at all an angry red but a not in my best interest to come to THAT conclusion red. So much so that I sent it back (the mere thought) just as quickly as it had come to me. I was wide awake & at a standstill as I was physically stopped dead in my tracks by it. I felt right then & there that I was headed in the absolute wrong direction & was being divinely readjusted. It all happened so incredibly fast. There was no mistaking it. Nor in my heart have I put up a fight over it since.

One of my dearest friends with her husband celebrated 61 years of marriage yesterday! Isn’t this wonderful! She & I have been relatively close for nearly 15 years. We spent a lot of time together 💕 I was almost her daughter in law & first met her when I was around 9 yrs old. In November 2014 she moved south. The physical distance between us is real … we both long for the day when neither distance nor time will matter ever again! She is a true gem.