I Confess

Let me make something(s) clear. In my lifetime I have done MUCH that I am NOT proud of. I am no ‘saint’ by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve crossed several lines. I’ve paid for & CONTINUE to pay for my misbehavior(s). I’ll be the first to admit that I remain a work in progress & have a long, LONG way to go. I am not above reproach. I’ve been places & done things I have no recollection of. You feel me. MUCH of my life has been ONE BIG BLUR. While I’ve heard some express with words what they think of me personally, others have demonstrated unmistakingly by their actions. Some good some bad & some ugly. say say say (oooh oooh oooh) …


What Y’all/You Trippin’ Off Of

It’s my potential. I’m not askin’, none of you, nothin’. Some call it shadow work. Some live a lifetime & never come close to understanding why … idiots … are everywhere. They have an unspoken language when they should be communicating (with you). But when they are up to no good (which is much of the time) they do talk, to all that will listen, non stop. It is the ‘idiot’ that participates over and over again in this bad behavior, by listening to the one(s) threatened by another’s potential, for years & years & … need I say more. It began when I was born & it has not stopped, smh. Have you learned to read between the lines? At some point making the (absurd/stupid) decision to erase my existence (in their mind), business as usual, moving forward with my husband & my offspring. GO FIGURE. Where they do that at … again, I’m not askin’ none of you nothin’. Take a look around. When an individual believes that what’s yours is theirs … your life is in danger. When you are eye witness to this kind of behavior & it’s alright with you, you are an idiot. I’ve long ago, packed up my potential … & moved elsewhere. Don’t start nothin’ … won’t be nothin’. You WISH you were me. It’s because you lack substance.

This Is It

The time has come. My most recent time spent in liminal space has brought many blessings. I’ve never been so broke down while experiencing so much needed growth. Painful & agonizing growth crucial to my future existence. To someone who doesn’t understand such a process I could appear to be a complete disaster. But this has nothing to do with you. I’m different. Don’t try me. You’ll get nothing out of it. This is it. The time has come.


The more things change the more they stay the same. I’m not the ‘me’ that I used to be YET I am more ‘me’ than I’ve ever been. This is good. Very good. I’ve been unfolding. Blooming! Before my own eyes. More sure of decisions I’ve been making along the way. My future now looks nothing like it had anywhere in the past. It’s sprinkled with brand new imagination & possibility. There have been growing pains but it has been well worth it. Change.

“Those People”

“Those people” belong to my father, therefore, to me. It is YOU that is the outsider. For you to feel comfortable with, several times, expressing yourself to me in that fashion, during this time, tells me all I need to know going forward. Not only was it disappointing but I found you both disrespectful & abusive. I won’t be calling you. You can lose my number.

A Private letter from me to Mr. Ralph Tresvant.

Good day! My name is Yolande Nicole. I’d like to begin by saying I don’t want/expect anything from you. Nor will I be asking/suggesting anything of you. Not now, not ever. I’m writing this letter because you were in a dream I had last night. I don’t remember anything about the dream except hearing your voice ( & we were in the same space ). I usually don’t have dreams, let alone any memories of them due to a medicine I take to help me fall asleep & stay asleep throughout the night thus allowing me to rise early & well rested. I don’t know what was said. I know your adult voice having heard it on YouTube. I’ll be 57 years old in March 2020. I have four sons/no daughters, 39 -36 -25 -23. They are/have been good boys so far! Congratulations on the birth of your children & grandchildren! I have 3. I’ve never been to see you nor the guys in person. When the three part series aired in 2017 I was going through some major life stuff & it took me every bit of the time between then & now to sort things out, figure out who I was, cut a few people loose & take good care of myself. So I didn’t get to see it. Fast forward, after it had been on my mind everyday for close to two months … I finally got to see it, the entire month of October! I watched it over & over & over again. Thank you. For all that you went through. Thank you for all that you continue to go through. I fully know that I don’t know you, at all & more than likely we will never meet. Forgive me please if I am out of line but you often times appear sad. over it. stuck. unfulfilled. Mr. Tresvant, please accept my sincere apology if you feel that I am out of line. I made the decision to write to you because when my spirit was low I would have greatly benefitted had someone recognized what I was/radiating, & was able/wanting to help. I remember you lost your mother in death. I’m sorry. I don’t remember about your father. I can only imagine how you must continue to deal/live with it. Both my parents are living but I don’t have a relationship with either of them. They haven’t been together since I was 7. I had to straighten out their messes & mine & am well on my way to being who I was supposed to be before they (my own parents) got their hands on me. It was ‘thee’ most worthwhile work I’ve ever done. You said something during an interview that prompted this letter … that you were trying to be what your parents raised you to be. & I thought, wow. This world has changed, the spirit of the world has changed, & certainly, you have changed with the different experiences/phases of your life. I once read somewhere that ‘what you once needed to help you “survive” won’t help you to “thrive”, you’ll need something different’. I was running around in circles … until I figured this out. Thank you, Mr. Tresvant for all you continue to do! May you find true happiness during the rest of your life!

Continue reading “A Private letter from me to Mr. Ralph Tresvant.”

Check This Out …

There are many individuals running around in this world ‘mad at you’ about things ‘they’ve done’ to you. Read that again. Many of these same individuals cannot make simple decisions about their own everyday lives YET are quick to tell others what & how they ought to do. The sad thing is that always & without question ‘orders’ are carried out. I’m talking about 50 60 70 80 year olds. Eyes wide open. Ain’t nobody there. When ‘another’ takes up issue with you because you confidently refuse to be manipulated by them, that is their problem … & none of your business. They don’t wanna be saved.