Nikki In a Nutshell

… for himself, at this point. I mean it.

‘I’ wish I would. Let’s start AND finish right there.

I’ve been playin’ myself cheap for years now. While others have benefitted tremendously. AIN’T NO MO.

It’s clear. As crystal.

Since my Daddy died, at times, I feel like I ain’t no earthly good. I know better, the feelings come & then they go as they should, I reckon 💕 #Daddy

Every home my father had was open to me. From the friged-air to the bathroom to the bed. I have many many fond memories of my father playing with me as a very little girl and shootin’ the breeze as an adult well into my 50’s. He was 18 years old when I was born … still a boy reallly. I do understand this now. My father made me famous. In many ways, as he was. I couldve done without it. Can, still. Yet, I am so good with who I am. With what he gave me. With what ‘I’ have done with it. The last words he spoke were to me. Until his resurrection on this earth, I do miss my father.

Making it right will be like gathering every feather (or spoken word) set free from its place (namely, the mouth) & carried off by the wind (ear after ear) in every possible direction height & depth (spread person to person) since the day of initial escape. Imagine if you will how fast & far feathers can be carried off by the wind over the span of a week, month, years. Making it right definitely requires cleaning things up. Some things can’t be cleaned up, stuck forever in spaces they never should have been sent to nor reached in the first place. If you find yourself mad bitter and/or rageful because you’ve made a mess, you just messy. Like glitter, all over, where it ain’t supposed to be.

I don’t care WHAT your skin color is. THAT is NOT what I SEE. It is that secret self, in there, that constantly leaks from your very soul. The impulsive repulsive, that is you, that’s what I see.

Abused by several over 52 years minus a few years of relief sprinkled therein. Well into 6 years of learning, unlearning, self care, unlearning, learning, recovery, learning, self care … my ENTIRE life thus far. The good news is I may just live forever, real talk, in perfect conditions & in peace!

PUSH HAS COME TO SHOVE.