Bottled Inside

I hardly remember anything (physically) about my very early years. What I do remember are my emotions/feelings very well. There was a daughter born to my bio mother a year a month and a day after I was born of whom my mother has been proudly telling me has been suspected to belong to someone other than my bio dad. She called this man by his first and last name. Bio mom accused my paternal grandmother of pointing this betrayal out upon looking at said child after her birth. Now, I don’t know how true any of this is. I do know that bio mom never expected that I might ever say anything to anyone about it. Not to bio dad. Not to grandmother. Not to half sibling. Not to the first and last named man. My grandmother has sinced passed away, I wasn’t ever going to question her (in addition, I couldn’t care less) and I’ve not brought it to the accused man’s attention, I know him. I did recently tell my bio dad and he didn’t seem to care. #REDFLAG This alleged half sibling and I have never been close. Thanks to bio mom. Each time I looked at talked to heard of and/or thought of these 5 people over the dacades the load of having heard it got heavier and heavier I wasn’t taking another step with it. It had to go. This was bio mom’s secret yet she managed to way me down with it for many decades. I am a much wiser individual and much more careful about I let in/and keep inside. She does look like him.

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