Nikki In a Nutshell

Lip feeling better. High just below freezing today. Coupla loads of laundry done. Organizing/reorganizing Butler ideas. Waiting for new wallet! Started out with the notion to ‘do’ IKEA. Thinking of Monsieur & the winter. Looking forward to weekend activities with friends & blessings! Little by little = catch up, keep up, get it done, get ready = be ready … as possible …

Since the beginning of the Covid pandemic I haven’t cut my nose hairs NOR have I dug down in my ears often, especially during fall & winter seasons. Ain’t about to start it either! I bet it’s a jungle up in there … ooo ooo ooo ahhh ahhh ahhh 😂🤣

In helping a friend this morning I pulled into & parked in the wrong driveway. Knocked on the wrong door. Apologized! Left car to run next door to the correct house. Spoke & received the goods. Ran back to my car still in the wrong spot, loaded up the goods, apologized once more then headed out to deliver said goods. Got to delivery location. I again got out of my car & quickly headed inside. It was/still is cold outside, reason for all the running. After signing in I got lost twice & had to call for assistance. I thought I knew where I was going since I’d been there many times but NOPE. Finally inside & unwinding, I realize that I’ve left the goods in the car! I organized myself, my keys, box & additional keys for mail. Back to car then back up to deliver. My throat is sore & my lip is tingling. I’d like to be ‘through with it’ for a few days … so, be through with it then!

Our birth mother hated me from the beginning. I didn’t have a chance. Problems she had with my Dad became my problems, for life. Didn’t want us to get along when the next one came along & managed it quite successfully early on & DOWN TO THIS DAY, some 59 years later. Living through her, her self-centeredness greed deceit hate & envy, she was to be everything our mother wasn’t/failed to be. CONGRATULATIONS. To the both of them. When the last entered the environment, he was groomed for his role of dysfunction. Never love unconditional for any of us. Everything always conditional. They didn’t want me (their well deserved loss, I’m good, TRUST & BELIEVE) yet they’d help themselves to my relatives my friends my husbands my children my grand children my inheritances. This is pure insanity. The effort put into a way of such an existence is crazy & it must be most miserable. I’m convinced that it is. Those who go along with it without question or independent logical thinking nor reasonableness are equivalent to cattle being led to their slaughter. Lining up willingly. It’s frightening, the damage, one truly narcissistic parent can inflict on just about everyone they’ve encountered over the course of their lifetime, right on down to their deathbed I’ve been told. I do have pity for a few, but not all … though not much of it.

Tire light came on AND Remote Start got me all fired up. Calm down because it’s gonna do what it’s gonna do.

I believed most of what a few of my caregivers, and a few along the way, told me about some weighty life maker/breaker matters. Not only were they wrong but terribly so. Much has managed to unfold … in the meantime … let me just say ‘I’ll take it from here’. Thanks/No thanks.

If only I coulda went east, things woulda been SOOOOOOO different, shoulda figured it out before now …

Undeniable, obviously. Hater-proof??? … nah, they all ova da place … hater magnet mo’ like it … & I AM AWARE OF IT. Unapologetic … ‘the’ place I’ve both gone to & come from … HOME. We’ve ALL heard it at some point. Don’t start nothin’ , won’t be nothin’. #Me

GAS. At least 4 days AND nights STRAIGHT. Good gas! Seemingly, never ending at this point. Few burps, NOT ‘contest’ worthy & nowhere near as satisfying. SO, here I am wondering if/when it will ‘let up’ … & what it all means.

YEAH THEY DO.