Author: Nikki In a Nutshell

… I can’t go on with Harry & his wife. It’s not like I’ve been ringing them up nor they me. Since I’m the one responsible how I ultimately spend my time. I’m taking my time energy peace of mind life back. They only remind me of the abuse I’d suffered at the hands of the family I was born into. What I already know is that this will not turn out well for either of them. I don’t need the details of how/when it will end. I’m aware of what I’ve been looking at. Many can’t see it for what it is. Some don’t want to see it. Some refuse to see it. Some might never see it. Once seen however it cannot be unseen & this is where I am with them & people like them. It can’t end well for them & I will spare myself of the details remaining leading up to it. I will not be looking at/for updates any longer on their goings on since it was never any of my business. It’s just been a gross waste of my time really & I ain’t got no more time to devote to what in my eyes will amount to nothing. I’m out & may I never return to it.

… when you as old as the old people …

When I began my journey to learn who I was after having learned about narcissism & it’s ravaging affects, & the absolute horrid real life problems it causes everyone touched by it, I was dead serious to recover & survive. Literally having to allow myself to fall apart as I watched parts of me die forever then put myself back together was no easy way of being everyday & every night for years. Yes, it took me years to pick up other people’s trash, return it to them, bulldoze the carnage & care for myself as I built myself anew. I did/& continue to do the very best that I can in this regard. I love myself & appreciate the gift of my life & abhor narcissistic ways in every individual & will (moving forward) have nothing to do with them once I know that this is their way. They are happy with themselves, never seeing a need to change therefore forever remaining their same ugly destructive selves wreaking havoc in the lives of everyone that they can with no remorse. No one is immune, not family not friends not strangers. They are on the hunt for what they need & they will get it from you, one way or another … before you know it.

… what you came here for … I know what you want …

It’s been another wonderful day! The sun has set & the moon is new. We’ve made it home & are settling in. The far away long rumbles of thunder following the stretched out lightening announces the rain to come. Having taken my bath & wrapped in robe I head for a large cup of tea. I love the teas! The raindrops have arrive on my window is if knocking to be let inside. Making my way to them both I think & say aloud, “oooh, come on in …” & it doesn’t hesitate! I reach for several potted plants around my assigned space & line them up on the sill for a part of the action … the sounds of the rain on the roof making its way in a free fall from just above our third floor dwelling is more than relaxing … it’s a beautiful symphonic gift from Jehovah above. Backlit with a single candle in my personal cozy space I lay on the floor close to it all … til the new morning comes.

… my sons were little & they would discover oddly/double shaped snacks, sweets in their stashes & they’d give them to me as gifts!

… you know the rest …

The Supreme Law. Your real issues are not with me.

I’ve had to draw yet another one. I don’t like drawing lines. The reasons for having to take such necessary/permanent action OUGHT to be an awakening to/for whomever finds themselves on the opposite side of it though it rarely is. It’s much like the line is seen but it’s conveniently something foreign. I don’t draw a line to take it back. Understand it. It is there to stay & that IS the end of that.

I headed out today without a list and never made it to any of the places I had in mind! This isn’t the first time and surely will not the last. HOWEVER!!! I did end up at a second hand shop where I found the perfect black skirt, cutest pair of earrings & a framed print of ten eleven twelve camels! It had been a while since I’d been there. After that I figured I’d get back on track & do what I’d set out to do. BUT no! It was still early so I called my son & he said, “ Come on through!” So that’s what I did! We went for walk around his growing neighborhood, talking about a lot of stuff, as usual. He shared with me things he’d been working on/accomplished & before I left he looked at/took a video of the top of my van since I’d never laid eyes up there! I decided to go home by then. My day was nice & full! I love outings.